Cynical and Jaded

It's so easy to say 'I am ok'. But how many of us actually feel ok?

These days, I have been sure that I am alright, that I am fine with the way things have turned out. But not too long ago, I was suddenly overwhelmed by certain happenings which I was certain I had come to terms with previously. Could it be that I have been avoiding those issues/problems all along? I'd always thought that "putting those unpleasant issues away" meant that I had dealt with it. But now I guess I know that the opposite is true. That I have not dealt with any of those problems at all. Most of the time, I am unaffected. Then suddenly there is a trigger and I am stunned by the rush of memories that follow. Why can't my life be peaceful and uneventful? Why do I feel cynical and jaded? Maybe it's time for a change in lifestyle and mindset.


I am so confused about what you want from me.

You ask me and I answer. But fair's far. I can never get an answer from you and you never tell me why.

You want to know more and I pour my guts out. Then you tell me it's not enough. What else do you want? I seriously do not understand you at all. Is there some sort of ideal answer that I am expected to give you? Doesn't the fact that I am trying my hardest here mean anything to you?

I feel like this is just a game to you. I am a blind person trying to get out of a maze. At least lab rats get electrocuted if they veer off the given path. For me? I am just praying I can get out alive.

To impress me...

It's easy to impress me... just arm yourself with a guitar and/or drums and sing... seriously... In fact, if you don't have a guitar, it's also alright. Just serenade me with a couple of songs. Swoon!

1) Noah Puckerman singing 'Only the good die young' and 'Sweet Caroline'
2) David Letterle singing 'Wild Horses' and 'I sing for you'.
3) Senior singing and strumming a guitar during Mass Service.

Emotionally drained

For the first time in a long long while, I am feeling emotionally drained. All of a sudden I feel like I have to tread carefully to ensure no one gets hurt by my actions and words. Like I am responsible for keeping this a secret from Person A so that Person A will not get upset, or give explanations to reassure Person A that everything is alright, just so that Person A won't start thinking toooo much. Sigh. What happened to plain old black and white? Why can't I say what I want to say or do what I want to do without having to consider other people's fragile ego? Seriously! Is this what happens when a small circle of friends become too big and complicated? I am seriously irritated and annoyed by such issues. Why can't people accept that sometimes some friends are closer to each other than to others? Even though they are all in the same group? And if someone else is being treated better, why must you make a huge fuss? It's not like I make a fuss when you're closer to my other 2 friends, even though I've known them for a longer period of time.So why is it that I am obligated to soothe your ruffled feathers? Sheesh! I just truly dislike these emotional vampires!

Hip Hop moves

Hey fellow Arashi fans,

My class is preparing a small dance item incorporating various forms of dance. And we're supposed to think of some unique hip-hop or retro moves. And I thought that perhaps I could look to Arashi for some inspiration. Did Arashi have any dance moves related to hip-hop or retro? I know they did the diving action for hadashi.... and I can't seem to recall anything remotely hip-hop. Could you help me if you know of any such moves? Especially poses =) Thanks a ton!

Crazy things

I've done some crazy things in my life. And by crazy, I don't mean wacky-cukkoo sort of crazy. Crazy as in out-of-character kind of crazy. Normally I am this zen-like, nothing-excites-me person. Yet once in a while I go all nuts and hyper and excitable. I don't plan my life ahead and yet there are some things that I know I can never ever do. It's like I have already mapped out my life plan or something, but it's just not tangible enough for me to know that it really does exist. Anyway, once in a while I do something which veers away from this invisible plan and consequences are somewhat mind-boggling. Like the time I signed up for this travelogue show (Five Takes) and ended up one of 600 finalists (out of 8000 applicants). In the end, I chickened out cos I 'just knew' I would never be able to give up my studies (I was a yr away from graduation) to pursue this. So I just didn't show up for the audition though I was totally pysched up about it. Now, about 6 years later, I am once again considering pursuing the life that I had always wanted and dreamt about for as long as I can remember. I hope that one day I will have the courage to take the first step and never look back with regrets.

Thank you Arashi fans!

Before 2007, I used to believe in the goodness of the people around me. That they would never do anything to hurt another person without proof. And even if there was really proof, they would not go around spreading rumours. Unfortunately, in 2007, something unexpected happened. Someone, an adult of close to 50 years old, started gossiping with her 18 yo+ daughter about my family. Namely my mother and my sister. A lot of 'things' happened - my mother was called crazy and money-faced. That she was pestering my dad to send my sister overseas to study etc. Then her daughter commented on my sister's ex-bf and how my mother caused my sister to be unhappy blah blah. It was a huge shock to my sister to find out that this 'thing' had been happening. For one thing, this 50 yo woman was someone that my dad worked with. In front of our faces, she was pleasant and friendly. But I never liked her (I worked at my dad's office previously and I didn't like her then) and I didn't like her daughter either (she's an arrogant pompous ass) Secondly, people believed that, due to her profession, she ought to have integrity, which she clearly did not possess! Thirdly, she (the adult) actually acsked my dad's secretary to type out that email to send to her daughter. Sounds suspicious? You bet! And my sister only found out about this because my sister knew my dad's secretary very well then. Was there a motive behind the 50 yo woman's asking someone else to type the email to her own daughter? Especially if it's such a personal email? Ever since I found out about this, my impression of her totally changed. And you know what the best part was? That woman's daughter knows my sister personally (same school, same tutor). They had attended the same tuition class (my mother introduced the tutor/tuition agency to that 50 yo woman who really needed a tutor for her daughter) in sec school. So it was really this main event which made me lose my confidence in people. I had been bullied alot by my so-called close friends when I was young. But even then, I did not totally mis-trust those around me. But with this happening to my family, caused by someone who could be thought of as a 'family' friend, I was really disheartened. So in the next few years, my motto was 'Don't share much with the people around you.' And that really was the way I lived. I could laugh and joke with my friends, but not many knew the 'real' me. In fact, I seem to have forgotten who I really am.

Then in 2008, I came across Arashi. Their affection for each other touched me and soon I couldn't help supporting them in everything that they did. I 'met' tons of Arashi fans and I fell in love with the Arashi fandom. The fans are generally accepting of everyone. And they are willing to go all out to help another fellow fan. Be it buying of goods or providing information, they are just willing to help. Not too long ago, I asked for help in coming up with a playlist featuring Arashi songs and other 'local' songs from various countries. Within a day, more like hours, I had 50 over replies and suggestions. I was in school when I read all the posts and I teared. Truly. That truly touched me lots. I never witnessed such a thing ever in my life - helping out a total stranger. For that, I truly appreciated the uniqueness of the Arashi fandom and most of all the power of Arashi.

So to all of you Arashi fans out there, thank you for just being you. Thank you!

Love lots,

Help: International Music

Dear all,

I really need some help. I've been trying to search a CD which contains music from around the world, like Japan, Africa, Brazil etc. Cos my school is having a mini-carnvial/exhibition to celebrate International Friendship Day. And what better way to celebrate diversity and harmony by playing music from around the globe right?

So if any of you know of a CD which has music from around the world, I would be eternally grateful. It doesn't matter if it's pop music/ traditional music. As long as it features global singers/bands, I am happy enough.

On the other hand, I could create my own world-fusion CD. And I would need need need your help again =) Could you please please please recommend a song (or more) from your country (even better if it's sung by a local singer/group) so that I can combine them all in one album.

Lastly, if I am going to be burning my own CD, I might as well take the chance to include some of my favourite songs right??? And being an Arashi fan, I'm gonna include a few Arashi songs in the lineup! Hehe! Any recommendations of songs that I should include? Preferably hippy/poppy/happy and upbeat songs! Thanks sooooo much!!

Selling/Trading JE items

I'm selling some JE items because I have extra copies of them.
- 1 My Girl RE single (brand new from Japan, sealed) <----- willing to trade for any Arashi single, so long as it is in good condition
- 1 Arashi 2009-2010 calendar + diary (brand new, calendar is still sealed in the plastic wrapper)
- 1 Hey, Say, Jump! DVD case (came from Myojo)

If you would like more details, please comment here or email me at